This is a Test
How to play this game:
Tune into your heart and ask yourself a question. Decide if your question will be answered by message number one, message number two, or message number three.
Let me know in the comments what came up for you!
Note: this is a recording from Nikki's Monday Message originally posted on Instagram.
Message one:
The first message was like very clear. And it said, “This is a test”.
Whatever you guys are asking about on this one, it's a little bit of revisiting something that you've probably been healing. Something that you thought you were over. And you're revisiting this place to see how far you've come.
An example would be, you made a strong decision that you were going to leave this career and you're going to work towards this career. And then all of a sudden, a job for from the old career shows up. And you're asking yourself, “Should I take it? Or should I not?” It’s a little bit of that kind of testing.
Didn't you already work through the fact that you're meant to go this way? It’s revisiting what you knew what's true for you.
This is like manifesting stuff. When you get to a point of, “Okay, I'm gonna do this, I'm excited, this is for me.” And then a week goes by and something happens in that week that gets you really nervous and you stop believing in yourself. This message is about going back to that initial knowing when you knew that it was right for you.
Having to overcome a little bit of those tests that come when we start getting a little scared.
This is also about looking at an old trauma, or an old thing about trauma, or old wound.
Looking at an old trauma, where for instance, maybe you used to date and it made you feel horrible. And you were like, “I'm not gonna date anymore and I'm going to really work on myself and do some things and get to a better place”. And you've been doing therapy for a year. And now you're like, “Okay, I'm ready, I'm going to go and date.” And what may happen is that you find yourself wanting to go back to the old patterns, or really seeing the possibility to go into old patterns.
So it's just a reminder that you have changed. And just because the exterior hasn't changed doesn't mean that the results are not going to be different. So this seems like you might put some emphasis on like, “Oh my gosh, these people haven't changed. Dating hasn't changed. The world hasn't changed”. But that exterior change that you might be like looking for doesn't really matter. It's really about that you have changed.
So coming back at and allowing yourself to react differently, to make sure that you're living into those new habits that you've already created, that you're embodying those new habits that you're walking your talk. Whatever you've understood in your healing or in your therapy, that you're living it and not going and relapsing back into old ways.
There's a little bit of people pleasing happening here too. Almost trying to make everybody feel okay and not uncomfortable.
And that's like the beginning drug that then brings you back into the use of an old way of coping.
So you've done great work, you can do this, just live into the new habits that you have already created. And every day is a new opportunity to get back on that horse. So if you've tripped a little bit and gone back into old ways, this is just a reminder that you get to choose again.
Message two:
It felt like you're asking about something that feels very uncomfortable and scary. And that you're not sure if that scary feeling means that you should be getting off this path. Or if it's something else.
It's almost like I don't know if my intuition is telling me to run or if I'm just scared about something that could be good for me.
And what I was getting about this was that there's a difference between your heart and your body in this situation.
Your heart may know something and may want to go into a direction, but your body is really being triggered by the old trap, the old trauma, the old stories.
An example would be, we can use a dating example again. Let’s say I haven't dated for a while. But now I'm ready to and I go, and I feel so uncomfortable. I just want to run away from this date. And it's really not that the date is bad, or that the person is bad, or that you dating is bad. It's that your body doesn't know if you can trust this scenario.
Again, it's like those little dogs that have been abused, that every time you go down to give them a hug or pet them, they freak out. They're very skittish because somebody has abused them in the past.
So it's not that this new person isn't loving. It’s just that the dog has been through stuff. The reaction that you're having to this is not a sign that it's the wrong thing. It's really a sign that your body needs a little support and help.
That inner mother voice has to come in there to take extra care for yourself.
Also, moving slower is better here. Because there is an opportunity to move too fast, because it feels so uncomfortable that it's like “oh, let me just get out of this quickly and rip the band aid off.” And then go back into the old toxic behaviors. There's something toxic about it that could happen.
The good news about this is that you've done so much work on this area. I also got the sense that you're on the right path, you deserve a lot of applause. You're doing great work, just take it step by step.
It does not have to be this huge deal. It doesn't have to be the thing that takes up all this time in your life. It's just a little step by step. Balance.
You're giving and receiving and it makes me feel like this thing in the past you might have put a lot of energy into it or given a lot to it. And it just seems like it should be just one other little thing that's in your life, but not the only thing that's in your life.
We just want to take small sips or small bites and that's what this is about. So little by little self mothering.
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